Go To Any One of the Amazing Parks
Almost every single park in the Cincinnati area has amazing grounds. Most offer a view of the wonderful Cincinnati skyline, such as Fairview or Mount Echo. Others just offer a great place to relax and soak in a gorgeous day, like Ault Park. If going by the river is your thing, you really can’t beat Fernbank and Sawyer Point, or, if you are feeling adventurous, Riverside Park. The people of Cincinnati do not take advantage of their wonderful parks, and I find it my duty as a man who sometimes enjoys the sun to promote the ones around.
Go To Bunbury
Everyone worth their contemporary musical merit knows what the music festival Lollapalooza is. Bunbury blows it out of the water. Better yet, it is in Cincinnati, so you don’t have to drive an obscene number of miles away to witness melodic greatness. With bands like Weezer, Foxy Shazam (Professor Ron White’s son is in the band!), City and Colour, Death Cab for Cutie, and Passion Pit, this is a concert not to be missed. This three-day extravaganza is only $46 dollars for one day or $93 for all three days of this harmonious event.
See Monet at the Cincinnati Art Museum
You know what girls love? Monet. In fact, everyone loves Monet. Monet is what makes the world go ‘round. And he is at the Cincinnati Art Museum this summer. His brilliant works are wonderfully lit and moved this author nearly to tears. Each masterful stroke of paint holds the emotion and power of entire works in them. The colors blend together while being completely independent of each other in the most extraordinary way. It is truly a spiritual experience to witness that high art. Also, Monet is everything, and it costs zero money to see.
Get Graeter’s on Fountain Square
There is nothing better than cotton candy ice cream on a warm July day whilst judging the plethora of people walking in Fountain Square. Go slurp on the best ice cream in the Cincinnati area while scrutinizing that woman who spent too much on a hair-do that went out of style in the late eighties.
Visit Your Local Library
There are so, so many libraries in Cincinnati, and each one is unique and different. The best part is that they all rent DVDs and books for free. You know—DVDs . The things that cost like $20 each at Target; the library just gives you that stuff. No charge. All you have to do is return it in four days (for new movies) or seven days (for older movies, documentaries and TV shows). It only takes a library card, and you could watch all of season one ofGame of Thrones for free. FREE! Also, there are books there. You know, for when a storm knocks the power out, and you can’t go outside, and your iPod isn’t charged.
Take Anderson Ferry
First off, it’s like maybe $2 to take this trip, so it’s not exactly the most expensive thing on the list. And it can be a lot of fun. Second, we all lead hectic lives, especially in the summer. Between swimming in my pool and taking naps with my cat on the floor, my days are jam-packed with things to do. That’s why it’s nice to take time out from my days for my own personal cruise. You can either walk right onto the ferry or take your car. Taking your car provides the problem of turning around once you get to the Kentucky side just to get back on, but it’s your life, so do what you want. Trust me when I say, though, that standing on the deck of the Ferry, even if it is only a five-minute ride to the other side of the river, is a relaxing and cathartic experience. No matter your worries, they cannot reach you as you cross the brown water of the Ohio River, and as you close your eyes and feel the cool river wind rush across your face, you get to pretend you’re somewhere other than Ohio, like the beach, or anywhere else that has water.
Go to the Top of Carew Tower
There is nothing quite as effective to get a perspective on your life as going to a very high building and looking down. It really does reinforce the fact that you are a god amongst mere mortals. That the people you see every day are just ants. Also, it’s just nice to appreciate the architecture of Cincinnati—both from being inside the building and from looking down onto the other buildings.
Enjoy the Last Summer before the Apocalypse
Assuming the Mayans didn’t just figure that 2012 would be a good time to make a new calendar when their old one runs out, this could possibly be the last summer we all have. It’s tantamount to a smoker’s last cigarette or just one more episode of Supernatural before finally getting some sleep at 4 a.m. with a class at 9. You might as well sit back with one of those little umbrellas in each drink you have this summer because it may be your last.
See a Ton of Summer Blockbusters
The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Spiderman and the other movies not involving comic book heroes are all amazing movies made for your enjoyment this summer. I mean, who would want to be outside in the humidity, with all that itchy grass, when you can be inside where there is God-given air conditioning and the absence of natural light? Besides not getting a sunburn, there are tons of other reasons to go see the movies that are coming out this summer, mainly that they are freakin’ awesome! I mean, come on, people—Thor and Captain America are going to fight giant monsters summoned by the Norse god Loki! Does it get any cooler? Oh wait, yeah, it does because of—wait for it—mother-loving BATMAN!!! Batman, guys, you remember –the hero we don’t deserve, the hero we need, NEED. Just saying, it’s going to be something you need to do.