It’s okay to be single on Valentine’s Day

Dateline: student newspaper

By: Corey Burdine

File Under: love, single, valentine's day

Editor’s note: Many singles feel left out on Valentine’s Day, but Dateline writer Corey Burdine shared some of her own thoughts about the holiday and making the best out of it as a single lady. You may have been single on Valentine’s Day, but you certainly weren’t alone.

Are you one of those people who get depressed when you’re single on Valentine’s Day?  Do you go out of your way to find a date before V-Day, just so you won’t be alone?  If this sounds like you, you need to grab some scissors and cut it out!  Wallowing is never attractive and neither is the smell of desperation. Who needs chocolate and roses?  I’ll pass on the empty calories and dead roses and go for something more permanent like some sexy perfume or hot shoes! Treat yourself, don’t cheat yourself.  Yes, it’s nice to have someone tall, dark, and handsome shower you with gifts, but when he’s MIA, I make sure I keep myself feeling awesome by showering myself with a trinket or three.  Men love a woman who can take care of themselves and your confidence will be like a moth to the flame…very attractive!

Get out of that V-Day funk and do what I do when I find myself by myself on Cupid’s day. I invite my other single ladies over for some libations, light apps, and heavy conversation.  V-Day is the perfect time to reconnect with old or new friends if you don’t want to be alone.  Friends, drinks, food and laughter…the spice of life! If a group of gabbing gals sounds too overwhelming, I just pick up my bestie for some one on one girl time.   We make a reservation at our favorite restaurant and amidst all the googly-eyed couples; we laugh, talk and reminisce.  My friendships are just as important, if not more important than any relationship I will have with a man.  Why not use Valentine’s Day to celebrate your love for your friend?

And now some advice for those who do have a special person in their lives…Valentine’s Day is just a day! Don’t place too much emphasis on it; you should be showered with love every day, not just when Hallmark tells you to.   Remember, it’s only as important as you make it out to be. 

I’ve rarely have had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. No roses were ever found in my locker; no sweet card in the mail; no date to get excited about. And as I think about that, I have to be honest. There have definitely been years when I felt like just covering my body in black clothing from head to toe and playing a funeral march as I walked around on V-Day, alone…again! Sometimes seeing all the happy couples around me seems like a slap in the face. I can’t help feeling as though they look at me and think, “Haha. I’m loved and you’re not.” Which of course, I realize is ridiculous. Many are too engrossed in their own thing to even notice me at all, but even if they were thinking that, is it true? Does being alone on Valentine’s Day really mean I’m un-loved?  

Our culture bombards us with the importance of romantic relationship, giving us the feeling that all meaning in life is wrapped up in finding that one person who can make us complete. A few years ago, girls were foaming at the mouth over Zac Efron in “High School Musical”. Now “Twilight” groupies can be found across the country chanting “Team Jacob” or “Team Edward.” Romantic comedies steal our hearts and fuel our desire for more. Standing in line at the grocery store, the headlines of break-ups, make-ups and hook-ups are blaring at us. Even my family joins in the “So, have you met anyone special?” mantra at times. Our world seems to be obsessed with love.

So what is this urge for love? Where did it come from, and why is it everywhere we turn? The answer is that we were made for love. If we look to Genesis, we see male and female were created for each other. Adam longed for a partner, and had looked through all the creatures on earth for companionship, but when he saw Eve, he yelled at last: “Bone of my bone; flesh of my flesh!” (Gen 2:23) We were created to be in communion with each other and in relationship with each other. And this is so good. We were created for love! But for us single men and women that doesn’t seem like exciting news. There is an ache within us that we can’t ignore. What do we do? How do we cope? Chocolate? Sure – in moderation. Denial? Nope. Pornography? Even worse. Do we lower our standards? Decide that any man with good hygiene will do? Or do we forget love? Declare: “We don’t need ‘em anyway!” and grow to be bitter old women with cats. Maybe not. The answer as we approach Valentine’s Day is found in our call to trust. To stay in the ache and surrender in peace knowing that there is someone out there for you. What is important to remember is that the life-giving love far exceeds the romantic realm. Of course, we all want to have an amazing fun date this Valentine’s. Absolutely, but the basis of true romantic relationships is friendship.

My life as a single woman has been the most life-giving, fun, enriching, exciting time of my life… And this can be it for you, too. Take some time to love this Valentine’s Day: go out on a date with your friends; send Valentine cards to your family; watch a fun movie; buy flowers for a friend who needs a pick-me-up. And remember, it is better to be single than to be with the wrong person. Being single is not the end of the world! You are precious, beautiful, and special whether you have a man in your life or not. Your identity and value does not lie in your relationships status. Single or not, you should make sure you have a happy Valentine’s Day!